You read it folks! In 5 short weeks I shall be back in the homeland, snuggling my wee dog & basking in the presence of my friends, family, familiar sights, ease of people understanding me & my Irish accent, good food, better company, great stories from incredible story tellers…… The list goes on. I ask myself – why do I leave the homeland if it is such an amazing place to return to?
I’m enjoying work. Sometimes it feels like groundhog day. Sometimes I count the hours down until I can finish. Everyday I have fun moments. Some days are better than others. I do enjoy it. Is this pretty much the same story with most jobs I’ve had??
Nannying however doesn’t light the fire in my soul. It doesn’t make me think that I done something incredibly innovative, I’ve made a lot of progress, or proved myself as highly efficient. It is more of a giving vocation than a taking kudos path. I give all my time, love & attention to a little one. She in turn thrives, discovers, develops & above all she laughs. She is a happy soul & we laugh a lot together.
I will be incredibly sad to leave her. And the family. I tell myself that it will be fine, I can do it. I have abandoned my dog, the light of my life, for around 7 years (don’t worry, he is safe & happy in the homeland with my parents) so I am clearly heartless. I have also been able to live away from my niece & nephews for the majority of their lives. I can’t be as kind & loving as I make out to be.
I know in my heart that if I move home for an extended period my life will not make me excited. I will lose my zest, my open attitude & adventure seeking spirit. I will work too hard to strive for a better life & inevitably miss out on the things I am currently missing out on anyway. I will be miserable, feel underachieving & embody resentment for feeling trapped. I have tried & tested living in the homeland. So far I’m not compatible. One day, maybe.
Sadly, it is only in the returning to the homeland do I feel the overwhelming appreciation for all that it represents.